I, like many mentors and spiritual guides, use the term “inner journey” as I encourage people to consider this experience as helpful to heal, learn and grow. And yet – is this a new experience – this “going within”? I spent a lot of time there and most of it alone. As a child, I would wonder – “Do I really belong here? What do I need to do so the people around me are happy and not angry or sad? How can I be sure that when they show they care about me today, they will care about me tomorrow?” I am not sure I was fully conscious of these thoughts. I was more conscious of the confusion and fear I felt in my body that had me want to disappear.
Doubt, Shame and Discouragement
I travelled the inner journey back then with the steady companions of doubt, shame, and discouragement. Confusion came along as well when I was reminded I was both “not enough” and “too much” for my anxious, fearful caregivers. I imagined how my life would be different, and better, IF ONLY … and WHEN …
Those were sweet dreams that happened both at night and day. No wonder I got into trouble when my father, a school principal, heard from my teachers about my difficulties to concentrate on my school work! I was on an inner journey that felt so much more peaceful and reassuring than the one I daily walked in the reality of my world.
How wonderful to then find in my young adulthood a way to consciously – that is, with deeper awareness – move toward a desired state of being. This forward movement was enriching, hopeful and different than the usual and unhealthy ways I would avoid, pretend and deny my emotional pain.
My inner journey now embraced the practice of daily meditation. I have known my nearly 40 years of meditation to be helpful. This knowing, though, has been more of an intellectual, cognitive awareness. Now, as I continue my transition through advancing age, I sense its authentic and meaningful presence in a deeper way. The following words help to acknowledge my awakening.
Meditation is listening to the song of the inner Soul, seeing the beauty of the inner Self, smelling the fragrance of the inner Spirit, experiencing the touch of the Divine inner energies and tasting the intense sweetness of the inner God. Amit Ray
Yes, as I age, my body shows some physical decline. This reality is more acceptable as I continue my spiritual ascent. My inner journey – in meditation or contemplation of my next physical, verbal or emotional movement – feels new and so different than that of my youth. I no longer travel alone. With Spirit as my travel companion, I am energized to meet my world of struggle and of peace, of confusion and of clarity, of fear and of love.
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